The Insane and Bodacious Project World of Kit Fox

*The Boyfriend and myself discussing myths about beating the police scanner*

Boyfriend: They use a velocimeter, which only measures speed, not which car is speeding.

Me: Oh, I was hoping a velocimeter would measure the number of velociraptors in the vicinity.

Boyfriend: Yes, that's exactly what it does.

Me: I'd love a velociraptorometer.

Boyfriend: Sure, it's good information to have. It could tell you if there's, like, three velociraptors nearby and you could be like, Okay, that's not too many, I could still get to Target. But if there was a reading of, say, sixteen velociraptors, you could say, well shit, that's too many, I'll go another day.

Me: Sixteen, that's your velociraptor threshold?

B: Fuck. I dunno, maybe more like five. But if it were something like three, I could make it.

Me: You could outrun three velociraptors?

B: I can move pretty fast for a fat man, if I'm properly motivated.