The Insane and Bodacious Project World of Kit Fox

I’m bummed out.  I will say up front, that I am not bummed because I can’t pay rent or feed my family or because one of my loved ones has perished and so, acknowledging my luck, I move on.  I have successfully broken my ass.

It was a pretty stressful, depressing day, involving a long hot drive in crazy construction-and-huge-waves-for-surfers traffic, to get to the doctor and find that I have actually busted my ass, in the literal not the figurative.

Four or five months ago, I was on my neighbor’s porch trying to calm their asshole of a dog who is afraid of my washing machine but is a totally rotten dog anyway so he doesn’t deserve my pity, and when I turned to walk away, I slipped on the rain-soaked porch steps and thumped down every single one until I was motionless with total can’t-even-say-nasty-words agony.

I had a cool bruise, but the actual lasting effect was a total re-shaping of my caboose, and not in a Zumba way.  Sure, it’s kind of funny that it looks like I have a little baby buttcheek right above my normal buttcheek, and having three buttocks is unusual and I guess a small sort of an accomplishment, but I found out today that it’s pretty much going to be that way for the rest of my life.  Unless I can get surgery.

I know it’s just a butt, and no one really checks mine out anyway (they don’t have to — you’d have to be Mr. Magoo to miss it) but any time you discover that your figure — no matter how imperfect it already is — will be permanently deformed, it’s a pretty big bummer.

Most people have to work hard to love their butts, we girls especially.  Now I think I’m gonna be on butt-love-work overtime for the rest of my life.  Maybe if I drew a little face on it…